A life in Colombia
South America
The curious art of cleaning
I’ve never been one to colour-code my books. Nor am I interested in arranging them according to author, preference, age or genre. My cleaner, on the other hand, believes an organised book shelf represents an organised mind. She is meticulous in the way she separates Colombian literature (Márquez) from the other, more inferior kind (Vargas […]
MoreHalloween should be Bogota’s Rio Carnival
Her face and figure are familiar to millions. Dressed in a pink power outfit, complete with bleached blonde hair and spiky stilettos, she even came in her own giant pink box. Bogota’s very own Barbie was my favourite costume last night, but the real-life doll was not without competition. This is a city that does […]
MoreSo you want to be romantic in Bogotá?
Romance. It’s an age-old argument; a classic battle of the sexes. Who craves it more – men or women? And, like a good red wine or right wing politics, is it something that appeals to us more as we age? Perhaps it’s the abundance of reasonably priced red roses or just the flamboyant Latin flattery […]
MoreA labour of love?
“You don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone,” Janet Jackson once wisely proclaimed. I like to think she was talking about human rights. You know, that inconvenient old concept, enshrined in dozens of European and British laws, which apparently plenty of politicians in my country want to scrap and certainly millions of people in […]
MoreThe Curse of the ‘Butterfly’
My alarm sounded happily – it’s always cheerful at 5.30am – and, bleary-eyed, I jumped up and stumbled into the bathroom. I reached for my shampoo but it was blocked by a huge, brown furry shape. I was without my glasses and couldn’t quite understand what was happening. I tried again. Nope. There was definitely […]
MoreRoll up, roll up: Cali’s salsa circus
Salsa dancing – as any foreigner knows – is a difficult business. First, the men have to learn how to lead and, particularly difficult for independent women, the girls have to be prepared to follow. Then there are the turns – the signals for when to start and when to stop – the fast bits, […]
MoreThe Joy of Spanglish
One day I am going to speak such beautiful Spanish, people will believe I was born and raised in Plaza Simon Bolivar. Until that time, I will apparently make more ridiculous mistakes than all of my friends – due to a dyslexia-esque problem that forces me to confuse similar sounding words. For example: “Good afternoon, […]
MoreHow to speak Colombian Spanish #3: ‘Friend’
1) “Ella es mi amiga,” – said with a slight shrug and a twinkle in the eye. Literal meaning: She is my friend. Actual meaning: I have a crush on this girl and I’m just waiting for the right moment to persuade her to cheat on her boyfriend. 2) “Ella es mi amiga,” – said […]
MoreHow to speak Colombian Spanish #2: ‘Sorry’
1) “Lo siento,” – said in a low tone, accompanied by a wide mouth grimace and a look of fear. Literal meaning: I’m sorry/I regret it. Actual meaning: I’m shit scared, I know I’m in the wrong and you have every right to kick my ass. Best Used: When you’ve invaded someone else’s country. 2) […]
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Banana Skin Flip Flops 