A life in Colombia
One day I am going to speak such beautiful Spanish, people will believe I was born and raised in Plaza Simon Bolivar. Until that time, I will apparently make more ridiculous mistakes than all of my friends – due to a dyslexia-esque problem that forces me to confuse similar sounding words. For example: “Good afternoon, […]
More1) “Ella es mi amiga,” – said with a slight shrug and a twinkle in the eye. Literal meaning: She is my friend. Actual meaning: I have a crush on this girl and I’m just waiting for the right moment to persuade her to cheat on her boyfriend. 2) “Ella es mi amiga,” – said […]
More1) “Lo siento,” – said in a low tone, accompanied by a wide mouth grimace and a look of fear. Literal meaning: I’m sorry/I regret it. Actual meaning: I’m shit scared, I know I’m in the wrong and you have every right to kick my ass. Best Used: When you’ve invaded someone else’s country. 2) […]
More1) “Si, si,” – pronounced as short syllable, accompanied by a wide smile, nodding head and the occasional “bueno”. Literal meaning: Yes. Actual meaning: Most probably. 2) “Si-i,” – pronounced as a medium-length syllable, alongside a faint shoulder shrug and small smile. Literal meaning: Yes. Actual meaning: Maybe. 3) “Siiiiiii,” – pronounced as a long […]
More“How long has it been since you last went on a date?” my friends asked me, trying to be kind. I made a noise that sounded like “Um-I-don’t-know” but it was apparently so pathetic they decided I needed a plan. I was ordered to write a list of four people in my life whom I […]
MoreI am not a fan of the Transmilenio. I’m talking about the overly celebrated transport system that emerged in Bogotá when plans for an underground metro faltered (said plans have since been resurrected, but don’t hold your breath) Transmilenio is essentially a series of large, bendy buses with their own lanes, which move between clearly-marked […]
More“If ever there is a time to have a functional boat, this is probably it,” my cousin’s husband, Simon, remarked drily as we crossed the river in our mouldy wooden vessel. It was rainy season in the Amazon and much of the forest was flooded. There we were, rowing into that dark green abyss having […]
MorePeople always ask me why I chose Colombia. Well, if there is one thing you can say about Colombia; it’s always interesting. A Colombian fable: “When God was creating the world, he put gold into South Africa. But there was some was left over, so he threw it into Colombia. “Then he put coal into […]
MoreA piece I wrote after meeting the former world’s smallest man, 70-cm high Edward Niño Hernandez: “THE remark was almost casual. “Your baby is going to be a little small,” the doctor told a worried Nohemi Hernández when she was pregnant with her first child. He didn’t tell the nervous expectant mother her unborn child […]
MoreThe immigration officer was tall and burly. “So are you planning to be here a while?” he barked, as he closed the door of his interrogation room. “Yes, please,” I squeaked. I was trying and failing to mask an internal scream of desperation. “Well… everything looks fine with your application,” he began. Thank. Goodness. I […]
More
Banana Skin Flip Flops 