One day I am going to speak such beautiful Spanish, people will believe I was born and raised in Plaza Simon Bolivar.
Until that time, I will apparently make more ridiculous mistakes than all of my friends – due to a dyslexia-esque problem that forces me to confuse similar sounding words.
“Good afternoon, please will you sell me a joke?”
Happens when: You confuse ‘chiste’ (joke) with ‘chicle’ (chewing gum) in your local corner shop.
“How do you like my tray?” (pointing to body)
Happens when: You confuse ‘bandeja’ (tray) with ‘bandera’ (flag) on a day of national importance.
“Thanks, you’re a horse,”
Happens when: You confuse ‘caballo’ (horse) with ‘caballero’ (gentleman) following a touching act of chivalry.
“How was your date without eyes?”
Happens when: You forget the Spanish word for ‘blind’ and, frankly, you give up, resigning yourself to the fact you will always ‘talk funny’; you will always look a bit vacant (because you are translating in your head); you will never comprehend slang; it will take you at least a year to read one Harry Potter book and you will never understand the difference between ‘estaba’ and ‘estuve’…
And they say English is difficult.